Written by the Cultivateen Roots Team

7-minute read

Being a parent is a full-time job. Whether you’re busy managing everyone’s school and extracurricular schedules, navigating your teen’s emotional ups and downs, staying on top of your responsibilities, or all of the above, finding time to maintain family connections can fall by the wayside. Not to mention, you may be noticing some distance from your teen as they develop a desire for more independence and prioritize social relationships over family time. While it may seem like your teen wants nothing to do with you, this is a crucial time to continue building strong family bonds. 

We created a list of impactful, yet practical strategies to help you sustain connection with your teen as they experience Individuation and Separation- the natural developmental processes teens go through as they explore their own identity outside of your family unit. You can learn more about how to support your teen’s experience of Individuation and Separation in our course Making AdoleSense!

1. Table Talk: Turning Any Meal into Family Time

Let's be honest, family dinners can feel forced, stressful, and logistically impossible. Removing this pressure by sharing any meal, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, a late-night snack, or even dessert, can offer more than just nourishment. It creates space for connection, communication, and casual chats. 

Family meals are far more than just a time to eat, they’re real opportunities to cultivate strong relationships. Research has found that teens who participate in family meals are: 

• Less likely to engage in risky behaviors (drug use, drinking, smoking). 
• Experience better overall mental health and fewer feelings of loneliness or stress
• Feel emotionally supported and have strong family relationships
• Help teens develop healthy habits and communication skills

Here are some ideas to make this work for your family:

• Set Realistic Expectations: Instead of feeling like you need to have family dinner every night, put 2-3 “food dates” or family meals on the calendar each month to ensure this practice is built into your schedule. Remember, this doesn’t need to be a sit-down dinner that takes hours to cook. Consistency over frequency. 
• Keep It Simple: It’s about the conversation, not the cuisine. Whether you’re going through the drive-thru, heating leftovers, or digging into a tub of ice cream, shared meals create opportunities to connect.
• Make the experience fun and collaborative: Choose a theme night, such as “breakfast for dinner,” cook a meal together, or introduce each other to a new cuisine or food item.

• Make it Screen-Free: While technology keeps us connected in many ways, it can also be easily distracting. It is highly recommended that during your designated family meal times, everyone sets aside their devices. This creates space for more meaningful connections and conversations where each member is fully listening, involved, and engaged. 

   

2. Creating Conversation

Trying to spark a conversation with your teen can often feel tense. Whether your teen wants to exit the room as quickly as possible to get on Snapchat with their friends or gives you one-word answers in response to your questions about their day, figuring out how to engage your teen in fun or meaningful conversation can feel impossible. In our course, Making AdoleSense, we dive into why it may be challenging to communicate with your teen and share strategies to get your teen talking- even those teens who just don’t seem to open up!  Here are some easy ways to jumpstart a conversation with your teen.

• DJ Play that Song:  Take turns being the DJ for mealtime, car rides, or family activities. Make a playlist or choose a Spotify channel. Talk about why you like the music style, artist, or what concerts you have been to or would like to attend.
• Peaks and Valleys:  Have each person talk about something positive and something challenging that they experienced that day. This gives space for all family members to take turns sharing and listening, allowing for opportunities to offer support, engage in reflection, or practice gratitude.
• Conversation Starters: Prepare a list of fun and easy open-ended questions to help jumpstart the chatter. This takes the pressure off of forcing conversation and can lead to interesting and unexpected discussions!  If coming up with a list feels daunting, you can find tons of family-friendly conversation starter decks online or use some of our ideas to help get you started!
• If you could travel to any place for 24 hours, where would it be and why?
• Would you rather get a $500 gift card to the store of your choice or get to spend the day in Disneyland? 
• If you could relive one event in your life, what would it be?

3. Create Family Traditions:

Building traditions into your family’s routine is a great way to maintain connection, especially during the teen years. They create space for uninterrupted time together, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging and ownership within your family unit. Traditions are traditions not because they are extravagant or centered around a holiday, but because they are something that persists over time, creating lasting memories for years to come. 

Here are some simple ideas to get you started:

• Sunday night pizza and movie, or Saturday morning pancakes
• Game Night
• Going to a special restaurant or cooking a favorite meal for birthdays
• Volunteer as a Family: Help out at a local charity, school event, or community event to give back and bond over a shared cause
• Create a family bucket list and slowly work your way through each activity

As your children get older and busier, some of your traditions may be harder to maintain. An easy way to keep them going and to be involved in your teen’s social life is to have them include their friends in the special moments you create as a family!

4.  Support Each Other’s Interests

Teens are busy discovering their independence and passions. When family members actively participate in each other's activities, it creates space for each individual to feel as though their interests are valued and supported.  As a family, you can attend sports games, musical concerts, art shows, drama performances, or invite your teen to teach you how to play their favorite video game. Expressing curiosity or enthusiasm about parts of your teen's life you are not as familiar with puts them in the driver's seat and allows you to get insight into the young adult they are becoming! 

Final Thoughts

As your children become teenagers and young adults, the dynamics of your family will inevitably shift. Spending time together as a family will likely require more effort and intentionality, but creating space for meaningful interactions will provide your teen with cherished memories that will help root them into adulthood. Remember, it’s not about perfection, so take the pressure off and embrace the moments of shared connection.

Additional Resources/Sources:

1. HealthyChildren.org: A resource from the American Academy of Pediatrics offering guidance on children's health and well-being.

2. Cornell University Research: Research by Dr. Elaine Wethington at Cornell University focuses on family dynamics and adolescent development.

3. Fulkerson et al., Journal of Adolescent Health, 2012: This study examines the relationship between family meal frequency and adolescent development, highlighting the benefits of regular family meals.  pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

4. CASA Report, "The Importance of Family Dinners VIII": A report by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University discussing the positive impacts of frequent family dinners on teen behavior.  drugfree.org

5. The Family Dinner Project: An initiative that provides resources and support to encourage family dinners as a way to strengthen family bonds and promote healthy eating habits.